Dark Wins First Game 8-7
Zeman and Venus return from suspensions...

(Parma-Oct. 3 AP)- Jack Zeman stood at center ice prior to the opening faceoff between the White and Dark squads friday night and what was on his mind was shared by all the others players at that time.

Standing in goal for the White was not #1 netminder Mike Haszto, but a 13 year old non-rostered rookie in the right place, right time. Junior Murray, a Bantam AA goalie from the Strongsville youth program was standing there, his head barely above the crossbar, awaiting his chance to play with the physically overaged and mentally underaged.

Where was Haszto? Zeman cracked earlier in the locker room how he wanted a shot at his former goalie, especially after reporting he was in the Carribean joining a start up league in Kingston, Jamaica. After an extensive warm-up, Haszto finally showed for the game. Later on, Haszto showed up at the press conference with as good as excuse as any...at least in his mind. He reportedly told Commisioner Karl Schmidt that family obligations would render him late for the game, and Schmidt had said he would bring up Tommy Ku for the White start on friday. Evidently, as Schmidt recalls...he doesn't recall.

Rewind back to September 25th, and the 6th Annual OHH Clambake, hosted by Entertainment Director Scott T Dawg Baggett. It was there, as the video shows, Haz alerting Schmidt of the communicae. However, as it was pointed out in the locker room afterwards, communication needs to be in written form as Schmidt's age and mental faculties have contributed to forgetfulness, especially after the 19 year career Schmidt has had as a rugged hardnosed, and hardhitting defenseman for the OHH. Nevertheless, as it has turned out, Haz was fined an undisclosed amount for his lateness.

The game went on with just under 60 minutes to play. As the last preseason game for OHH, score was kept from that mark until the end of the game. While Murray's play in goal prior to that was nothing less than stellar, officially it goes unrecorded, to save the future eligibility of the goalie. One eligibility scandal in Cleveland is enough (the St. Edward's football program), no need to hurt the future Padua program as well.

So, with zero warm-up and little stretching, the White goalie took his place between the pipes, and quickly stopped a breakaway from the Dark's Roger Hauser. Unfortunately, that was the only save of the first five shots. Showing a derth of concentration, but no saves to show for it, Haz had the Dark lite up the netminder for a 6-1 lead through the first 20 minutes. Alan Kaiserman, Dave Zgrabic, and Mel Hauser led the charges for Dark. Play was rather skewed toward the White defensive zone through those 20 minutes, acting as though the Dark had some vendetta against the White squad. And, in actuality, they did, after losing the first three preseason games.

The proper credit for goals, assists, and highlight plays could not be recalled, though, as the broadcast over ESPN8 was interrupted throughout by technical problems created from the North Olmsted Eagles football team, their game being broadcast over pirate radio station WEAG 1620AM just a few miles away and sharing some of the same satellite equipment with ESPN8. Steve Levy from ESPN was particularly upset over the pirate radio signals, as he is a native of North Olmsted, and the Eagles were getting blitzed by Avon Lake throughout their game. John Kraft, OHH star, was aiding in that broadcast from Eagles field, and missed the OHH game.

With the Dark up 6-1, Haz finally made three consecutive saves testing his left skate and pad, covering up, and that seemed to serve as a wake up call for White. Led by Perry Braun and Joe Piastrelli, the White chipped away at the Dark lead, until the score became tied at
7-7 with 14 minutes to play. The White appeared to be in the drivers seat, and the Dark frustrated, as Zeman and Venus could not solve the White goalie in the closing 40 minutes. White continued it's onslaught of Dark goalie Brett Dunham, who for the second consecutive game, was acrobatic and spectacular in the Dark nets.

Then, with 6:58 left in the game, a soft shot off a Dark stick eluded Haszto, breaking the tie, and sending the Dark to their first victory of the preseason, 8-7. For the record, all 8 goals Haz gave up were of the soft variety, while the 7 gaols surrendered from Dunham were all well earned from White.

Ice chips...Where was Chris Marra? It was reported last week by Schmidt that venerable OHH former veteran Marra was to return for a night in his honor October 1st. No one was willing to comment on his no-show..."He will be fined" reported Schmidt in the dressing room after the game. October 8th is the first regular season game, and while the lines are painted on the Baron's Arena ice, Schmidt says the OHH will not recognize the new AHL rules being implemented as a test this season. Wandering netminder Haszto likes Schmidt's decision. ...When Venus was approached about his sudden appearance in the OHH this game, he would not comment on his whereabouts the past four weeks. It was reported that Venus had a falling out in Frankfort with the Lions, then had visa issues getting back into the country. Venus showed to be in good playing shape, and had several excellent scoring opportunities in the game...Mike Turner was back in the lineup for White after missing last game with Schmidt to see Alan Jackson and Martina McBride at the Gund. Turner said he saw Schmidt on the big screens behind McBride with a pink "I Love Martina" shirt on. It is well known in OHH circles Schmidt's love for McBride...

------Editors note. Next week? Who knows, who cares!!!!!

Rebuttle? E-Mail me.

 

 

New Season, Same Results...

(AP-Parma) Welcome hockey fans to the highlight of 2004...it's fall and that means the guys have sharpened their sticks and taped their skates...the smelling salts are simmering, and of course rather than those sore muscles, the beer is heavily iced.

The Over The Hill Hockey Club is at it again, and have announced their schedule for the new season. Who needs the NHL when the average hockey fan can drown their withdrawls watching the consistently paced, and exciting game of amateur hockey from a group of guys who are long in the tooth, yet still empty in the beer tanks.

Most of the rosters have returned for this campaign, though there were some interesting off season moves by Commissioner Karl Schmidt. Obviously not enthralled with former star Jack Zeman's behavior in the closing of last season, rumor has it that Zeman and Keith Zbin have jumped ship and are now playing for Jamaica of the newly formed Caribbean League. What has been confirmed is that Schmidt has indeed indefinitely suspended Zeman and Zbin for being no-shows to camp thus far. A reliable source out of Kingston, Jamaica has spotted the pair boating down there, claiming they didn't have enough off season at sickly Put-In-Bay.

Brett Dunham demanded a trade in the off-season from the White squad, and quietly received one, being swapped with Dark netminder Mike Haszto. It was also understood that Haszto did not want to leave the dark, so Schmidt renegotiated Haz's contract for the coming season. Terms were undisclosed, but both sides must be happy as Haszto has appeared in two of the first three preseason affairs. It was rumored that Haz was considering retiring after battling early season back injuries that nagged him all season, limiting his playing time. Also moving around was defenseman Bob Boardman, also leaving the Dark for the White. Mel and Roger Hauser, fed up with the White Captain Schmidt after being relegated to the second line for the past few years, jumped ship to the Dark, where they have inherited the number one line in Zeman and Zbin's absence. Sturdy center Alan Kaiserman anchors the center position on that line with his hard shot, complementing the skating and shooting finesse of the Hauser brothers. Jim Venus has been a curious no-show as well. Schmidt couldn't pinpoint the whereabouts of Venus, though a rumor had him playing in Europe with the German squad the Frankfurt Lions, who have signed quite a few of the NHL players currently on strike. Apologies if any other transactions were missed, they will be listed in another story.

The first three preseason games were offensive highlight reels, as were anticipated. White's newly acquired veteran Perry Braun has been the overall highlight. In two preseason games, he's notched 14 goals already. The first game's score was not officially kept, though White proved to be the dominant team. Last year White struggled, going 8-24-3. White also dominated game 2 with a 20-15 win. Braun picked up 8 goals in his first action of the season, leading the onslaught. With IHL legend Perry Ganchar in attendance for game three this evening, White pulled out a stellar 9-8 win. Tonight's action was much slower than in recent weeks, though Braun , veteran Joe Piastrelli, and veteran Charlie Jones hooked up for 7 total goals. White defenseman offset the missing mainstays Schmidt and Mike Turner with stellar defensive play from Doug Baldi, Boardman, Zig Zeigler, Scotty Dawg Baggett, Randy Hrabek, and Braun.

October 8th begins the regular season, and the OHH still have an abundance of players in camp, and quite a few more waiting in the wings for the chance to wear the maroon and white. October 1st game time is once again 10:15 pm at the Lakefront Lines Arena (formerly the Baron's Arena). Tickets are 2 for 1, so bring a date and see you there!

Ice chips...Baggett hosts the 6th annual Clam Bake on September 25th, with all proceeds going to the OHH Make A Wish foundation, spearheaded by Schmidt. This has been one of the most popular OHH functions over the years...Schmidt missed tonight's game to rekindle a chance romance with little Martina McBride, who was in concert in Cleveland. Schmidt has seen her over the past couple years...There has been a renewed clamoring of the physical play so far on display by the OHH. Several sources say that there are quite a few rumblings from some of the players. No names were mentioned or speculated...OHH legend Chris Marra comes in from New Jersey to once again skate with the OHH coming up. Date and time was not disclosed. Marra has gained notoriety as the only OHH player to go up against Wayne Gretzky in their prime years, and was also the only player to leave the OHH for the glamour of suiting up in Madison Square Garden for his hometown team, the Rangers. Marra was subsequently released from the Rangers when the Rangers acquired Eric Lindros...

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Kaiserman nets 8 in wild night
Definitely an offensive night for OHH...

(Parma-Dec. 17-AP)--OK  Class...can we all play nice togther in the sandbox?  How about on the computers?  On the ice?  It was bound to happen.  The recent snippiness flowing through the emails in the computer age, and sooner or later you knew someone was gonna blow.  Do we take our feelings out on the ice, as it was the way in our younger days? (Ya know, a stick to the chops...or an unexpected elbow to knock out some bridgework...) No...in the age of computers and viagra, instead of swinging a big stick, a war of poor hokey jokes takes place.  Hey---ya mamma this...your wife that...geez...can we play some hockey?  Even beagles were brought into it. My beagle ate your beagle...or something like that.  ENOUGH!!

So, with 21 men hitting the ice this past friday, we all waited for the first stick to drop...and in the middle of this chemistry class...wouldn't ya know...a hockey game broke out. Or something resembling one. Scott-T-Dogg Baggot found himself still on the Schmidt All-Stars, considering the fued was between the two of them. But, that was not the story of the night. Alan Kaiserman, minus his siamese twin Keith Zbin, took advantage of a Brett Dunham off night by ripping 8 goals into various upper corners of Dunham's net. Most vulnerable was high stick side, with 4 goals coming in a 10 minute span.

With Kaiserman leading Croc's Champs offensively, the defense and goalie Mike Haszto squandered all of it, and then some. Charlie Jones put a 3 mile per hour shot off Haszto's leg pad 5 hole for a 2-1 lead early for Schmidt's team. Joe Piastrelli, Mel Hauser, Mike Steele, Jack Zeman, and Mike Turner all tallied goals against a porous defense with some sharp shooting. Bill Liberty scored through Dunham to keep it close...for awhile. At the 44:00 mark, Zeman, as well as a couple defensemen, took out goalie Haszto with a heel and skate to his ribs. From there, it turned to a rout, until Kaiserman performed his heroics...With the final outcome at 16-12, it was truly a wild night, your basic offensive night.

Up next...a special Christmas OHH promotion...Karl Scmidt playing Santa Claus...don't miss it!

SCHMIDT'S ALL STARS HUGE AGAIN

(Parma-Nov. 17-AP) ---Karl Schmidt and his dancing follies took the ice last night against a team of squirts at the famed Hauserman-Baron's Arena. It was "Kid Night" for the OHH...and the kiddies on the ice didn't disappoint. After getting off the visitor's bus after watching "The Wizard of OZ", the only player that appeared ready to play was their mascot, Toto. Well, at least the dog (don't get any ideas Scot-T-E-dogg), had a few hit records, Lord knows the only thing to get hit on the visitors side this night was the twine behind sunburned goalie Tommy Ku, who obviously felt like the abandoned stepchild. Or was the maroon and blue out to make a point?

It all started right from the opening faceoff with Roger "Radio Robert" Hauser walking in 3 times on the opening shift alone on the Ku. Two saves and a shot wide later, and Hauser finally connected. As well as Greg Coyle, Joe Piastrelli and Mike "I-Beam" Steele. Poor Jack Zeman (back from his shock treatments in the Andes Mountains), couldn't register or even buy a goal and this would be bad because he would not have anything to talk to Gina about after the game. Then with Scott-T-Dogg, and first star of the game, John "I Shop At Giant Eagle in North Ridgeville...and you should see me squeeze those melons" Kraft who scored a number of times. It was a very impressive night for the hard-charging left winger from North Olmsted.

From the battered goalie's point of view, it went something like this...shot, shot, shot, shot, save, shot, goal. Or...Piastrelli to Hauser to Coyle to Schmidt to Coyle to Hauser, back to Coyle, over to Piastrelli, back to the point to Baldi, to the corner to a circling Coyle, to a streaking Schmidt (streaking???) down the slot looking for his 6th goal in 5 games, to Piastrelli along the boards, over to Schmidt now screening Tommy, shot, save, shot, save, ...meanwhile John "Chain Link" Konfala was yawning in his net counting the ruts in the ice in front of him...one...two...back to the action...Coyle skating in alone...........oh what a pass to Hauser...stolen by Liberty, taken back by Kraft who just steppedout on the ice, feeds Scott-T-Dogg along the boards...through to Zeman...who fumbles it to Zgrabik on the maroon, who skates it out looking disinterested...then suddenly hauls cheeks down the ice to catch Konfala napping with a Texas-Two-Step for a score!!! Oh mama mia...you just don't see sauce as smooth as Zgrabik's skating! Oh...just a second...it's Coyle with the puck slicing through the pack, or should we say, lack of defenders again...shot...score!

Imagine that for 90 minutes...Schmidt playing slot for 90 minutes...Al Pettit and Schmidt running screens in front of Tommy, was he a goalie...or a brilliantly disguised corpse spinning round and round with the way Schmidt's All-Stars moved the puck.

When it was all over, the tally was 12-9. Or was it? Only our locker room attendants know for sure...and speaking of which...just where were the Hooter Calendar Girls? With our fascination rubbing off with our pretty bar maids at Panini's, we were searching for attention...and knew the 2002 Hooters Calendar Girls would be arriving in Cleveland...(Shameless plug)...but alas...we were disappointed yet again, as the Girls were delayed until Monday, and the tandom of "belly-ring" Gina and "Tina" Mona Lisa just weren't the socializing type this fine night. Or the talkative type to maybe just a few of our heroes...who knows?

Feeling slighted, the guys concentrated on a hot face on the big screen...maybe we just needed to stop pouting, and head to the bar for the attention we craved. Then again...maybe our favorite bar maids were shackled to the bar by manager Bruce...hmmmm....yeah...that's it....it was Bruce all along...conspiring to keep the girls away from us...yeah...that's it! He's the jealous type...yeah...wanting them behind the bar the whole time...yeah, that's it!

Anywho...friday, November 23rd at 10:15pm is the next match for the OHH team, eating gobs and gobs of turkey won't stop us from playing the game we love. No sir!!...the beloved boys of winter...and who shall play victor this week? You'll just have to show up on "Keg Night"...every one 18 or older gets to roll around a keg on the ice between periods...and the winners get to split the keg at Panini's afterwards...see ya there!

And also, next week...OHH Pumpkin Shoot...a perfect compliment to Thanksgiving...don't miss it!

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Block/Coyle, Block/Coyle...
Fans enjoy tennis-like hockey...

(Parma-Nov. 2-AP)---Nothing like an old-fashioned tennis match breaking out at a hockey game last night that pitted two of the OHH's grizzliest teams to date. Schmidt's Strongsville All-Stars, behind the volleys of Greg Coyle and the swarming of Joe Piastrelli and A. Hauser, destroyed Zeman's Zeros tonight 13-8. Speculation has it that the controversial Zeman may be mutinied to yet another team this season due to the grumblings of yet another controversial figure, one Scott-T-Dogg Baggott.

The pond on Hauserman Road that houses the Jr. A NAHL Cleveland Barons was the site for the OK Corral showdown between the Zero's Joe Block and the All-Star's Coyle. Both came out in the early rounds quietly, almost feeling each other, and their respective team's out. But it was mild-mannered Eric Coleman who melted the ice early, netting two early goals to put the All-Stars up 2-0. And it was the only two shots taken by the All-Stars in the early going. With Piastrelli, Hauser, and Coyle circling like vultures on Zero's netminder, John "chain link" Konfala, it was their feeds that opened the holes for Coleman.

The domination, ironically, just wasn't that during the opening 10 minutes though. The Zero's controlled the play...close to 90% of it controlling the puck in the All-Stars zone in front of sturdy and steady goalie Bret Dunham. Dunham made several sprawling saves in the beginning to keep the Zeros at zero. Schmidt commented, "Man, we gotta kill off this penalty", though again ironically, there was no penalty during the time.

Once Coleman tallied his goals, it was Block, with Bob Boardman and Rick Varga countering for the Zeros. Keeping the pressure on was Dave "Lil Bash" Zgrabic, Al "Runaway Train" Pettit, and Zeros leader Zeman. On our shameless plug issue introduced recently, it must be noted that Zeman went end to end through what he called "15 players, at least it seemed that way", in super slow motion to rip what he termed "a blast" past a stunned Dunham. Dunham shook his head and stated, "I was expecting a normal Zeman shot, but when he threw the change-up, I couldn't react that slow."

It was then that Block and Coyle said "Outta my way boys, it's time to play some hockey..." and that they did. Much like a tennis match, it was back and forth, back and forth...leading their teams with beautiful highlight reel goals. Word had it that Dan Patrick and Darren Pang, who were in Cleveland to see the AHL Barons play, left that game out of sheer boredom (a Barons 7-1 loss to the lowly Mighty Ducks of the Queen City) to see what all the excitement was in this tiny little suburb of Cleveland. Pang broke out the cam-corder right away, citing the excitement that each player brought to the game, even though the video turned out a bit gritty.

Both Block and Coyle appreciated the Pang appearance, and had a private screening with Patrick and Pang in the ESPN trailer afterwards. Will both be called up shortly? With Columbus Blue Jacket Brett Harkins now on injured reserve, word circulated that Blue Jackets GM Don McLean (not the singer) had contacted both about signing on as free agents, That word sent Zeman into a tizzy, and the heat on the Zeman trade speculation once again was stoked.

Zeman on the trading block again!
Rumours flying after last nights contest...

(November 2, 2001-Parma, Ohio-AP)---Another great OHH game was played at the pond on Hauserman road. With the likes of Joe Block and Greg Coyle to balance out the teams, you just knew that it was going to be one of those nights. With the Dark Side putting it to the white team early, it seemed that the Commissioner's game plan of loading up a line with Joe Piastrelli, Greg Coyle, and A. Hauser (Thank god it's not Doug of the Padua fame!) could back fire. But talk about money play. With Joe, Mel and Greg feeding it to Eric Coleman, it was 2 - zip early for the white team. When asked, Karl Schmidt said, "Man, we need to kill off this penalty", the only problem was, there was no penalty. It just looked that way. 90% of the shift was in the white zone, but Coleman scored with the one shot per shift. Tough luck dark team!

With the end-to-end play, the game developed character. Mid way through, the white team still seemed to dominate. The puck, especially with the Block, Boardman, Varga line, seemed to be in the white zone more than the dark side zone. After a slow start from Dave Zgrabik (little Bash), with help from Al Pettit and Jack Zeman, he started to turn up the heat on the white team. Dave skated around the porous white defense, only to get stuffed by a sprawling Bret Dunham. Not to be out done, Jack Zeman went end-to end around 15 players (well, it seemed that way), in super slow motion, to rip a blast past a stunned Dunham. Actually we have seen faster putts at Augusta.

 

When asked, Dunham explained, " I was expecting a normal Zeman shot, but when he threw that change up, I couldn't react that slow". The standing room only crowd went wild as Zeman scored. Actually the crowd had one significant other (Cindy Crawford) sitting and a dad (Bud "the Bull" Dunham) standing, but who's counting!

The real show was the Block - Coyle show. Joe Block kept the Dark Side close with his quick release snap shots. Joe even scored an impossible angle shot from what must have been behind the goal line. Even with the sniper display from Block, The Coylee's were just too much. The final score was around 12-7 or 13-8 white, something like that. The real problem for the dark team was the power of the Piastrelli, Coyle, and Hauser line. Just too many swarming bees to cover. Thank God there were no ref's, because the dark team would have been shorthanded most of the night. With cheap shots from Zeman on Turner (have a nice trip Mike?), the dark team was lucky there was no ref in site.

Bret Dunham was outstanding in goal as well as John (chain-link) Konfala. The post was his friend tonight. It's just a shame that the defense didn't help John Konfala with those shots from the blue line or the centre red line.

The after hockey refreshments continued at the only official OHH and Scotty approved facility - Panini's. Sweetest day flowers were flown in direct from Mexico to woo our favorite Bar Maids - Gina and Lynne (with an "e"). Oh - sweetest day was two weeks ago? - Oh well.

Unfortunately, the $0.99 was sort of wasted with Gina as a no show. I guess she went home sick. Hey, Venus was a no show too? Could there be something going on here? Do we have a new entry into the sweepstakes?

Karl also brought in the beautiful cherry (mahagomy) corner shelf to hold the voluminous array of OHH trophies (none lately thank you!). You'll remember that this was the shelf that was so prominently displayed at Walt's with trophies and one special beer bottle. (Don't ask)

Fun was had by all. Even Robin showed up. He thought it was free beer night, because the sign yesterday said "Free beer tomorrow".

As usual, Scott-t-dog, started to complain about the lines. Scotty just isn't happy with success, so rumor has it that another big trade is in the works. The scoop has it that Jack Zeman is being traded back to the white team in a blockbuster three-player and a used puck bag deal. The dark team gets Pirie and Kraft. Sounds like Robin was unhappy with having to play defense and with veteran Randy Hrabak coming back after a short respite, Pirie was expendable at defense. This trade will match Baggett with Charlie Jones and Jack Zeman next week. Seems like the Commish wants to be like John Hart when he grows up!

ZEMAN SCORES 4!!
Offsides on 3 video shows...

(Oct 20, 2001-Parma, Ohio-AP)---Sweetest Day rang true a day early for one "lovely" OHH player, who felt the team's wrath after the clock struck 12. Jack Zeman, noted for his goal scoring ability, netted 4 goals friday night to lead the visiting OHH club to a 6-6 tie with the hometown OHH. After a no call-no show at the famed Molson Ice Tournament due to a lack of players (injuries, whiners, guys with hangnails, etc), the guys laced them up for a Tournament game of their own, easily eclipsing any OHH game in recent memory for intensity and skill.

With goalies Brett "I Shoulda Been in Toledo" Dunham starting for his usual hometowners, and Mike "Haz" Haszto in nets for his visitors, things got off to a fast start. Zeman led the charges early, scoring on Dunham's first two shots. With the maroon and blue up 2-0 in the first couple minutes, the pace quickened and the intensity electrified. The scoring line of Mike Steele, Joe Piastrelli and Roger (a.k.a. Radio Robert) Hauser began their dominant skating/trickery, that eventually brought them back to a 2-1 marker. With the unusual format this night of three goalies (due to the Toledo players showing up in Cleveland to play), the first of several periods ended 2-1.

Tommy Ku, world reknown goalie in the infamous Metro-plex League, subbed in for Dunham, and made several "Rush Hour 2/Matrix" saves...doing everything but standing on his head, to keep the white jerseys in the game. By the time the 2nd act closed, the overall score was Visitors 3-2.

Dunham returned to play visitor's net for the first time in his six year OHH career at the 48 minute mark. Ku continued to play for the Homies, again displaying a knack for the unorthodox. However, Zeman scored his 4th goal of the game on a disputed offsides call halfway thru the 3rd period on a vicious 2 on 1 play. Steele and Piastrelli noted that Zeman was actually 3 feet offsides. Zeman thought otherwise, and play continued. More on that later. "Crocodile Chop" Tom Rady put one 5 hole through Ku for the visitor's 5th goal, and a 5-3 lead. The period closed that way with 38 minutes left in the 80 minute marathon game.

Haszto replaced Ku with the unenviable task of trying to shut down Glamour Boy Zeman. Rumor had it that Zeman was posing for "PlayGay" magazine between the 3rd and 4th periods. His agent said it should be out by Thanksgiving. Shhhhhh...no one's supposed to know....

The 4th period saw some stellar goaltending from Dunham and Haszto, with the "Karl Schmidt (OHH League Commissioner) I'm in West Virginia at a Shotgun Pump-kin Wedding" Good Guys closing the gap to 5-4. The note here is that Jungle Boy Zeman was owned by Haszto throughout the period, no matter how many times he provided his Mike Weir style of hockey play. (Ed. note-Zeman was voted the most prestigious Mike Weir "I Only Skate From The Blue Line" Award for his nite's efforts...the trophy displayed Weir's infamous gray mullett and famed stance at the Blue Line.)

The 5th and final period saw Ku in for the Visitors, and Haszto continuing for the Hometeam...and again a display of strong goaltending was evident. With the game ending 6-6, though Zeman says it was 7-6 visitors, it truly proved to be a goalie's night for the first time in many a game. Dunham and Haszto gave up only 3 goals apiece...a season low for both. Al Pettit played a strong game, Rady played without a rib (and we just thought it was a bump on the ice), Charlie Jones and Mike Turner both had big games for the Good Guys as well as the usual scoring line of Steele, Piastrelli and Hauser. And it was Hauser with the tying goal moments before the buzzer sounded.

There was a bit of pomp and circumstance at the OHH Chiller, Panini's, afterwards. It was there that the official scorer's brought out the video tapes to prove once and for all just what offsides is, and why a Coach and Player like Mr. Bobblehead Zeman can't fathom what offsides is. Or at least admit to it. Zeman was the butt of his teammates jokes and facts all nite long, and no doubt the guys benefitted from Zeman's humility.

The highlights and lowlights were brought to us by the awesome Panini Girls...Gina and Lynne...Gina kinda ignoring the players all night long (as did Lynne - What's up with that?)...until the theme from Closing Time played and Lynne came over and hung with what was left of the team on "her off night".

 

 

As usual, the ladies looked great, served beer well, and a good time was had by all...at the expense of Zeman!

 

 

 

 

The true highlight of the night was the banner hanging on the front wall of the establishment at Pearl and Snow, welcoming the OHH Hockey Gang to their new permanent watering hole.

 

 

 

------Editors note. Next week? OHH Autograph Nite...bring your Sharpies!!!

 

 

REBUTTLE.........(by Jumpin Jack "Flash" Zeman)
Was that a seeing eye dog sitting next to the video guy? Did he go to the Karl Schmidt hockey video school for the blind?

For the record. There was only one goal that was even possible to be offsides. The score was 7-6 dark and the only reason that I didn't always get back to play Mike Peca type defense (I guess someone has to do it) was that the likes of Randy Hrabak, et. al. decided that Zeman can't keep scoring at will, so they hacked, slashed, tripped, piled on, mugged, molested and otherwise beat the crap out of the Boy Zeman after scoring his humiliating fourth goal on a breakaway (Oh-Sh%# - Tommy). I noticed that Bill Liberty (five goals for the white team) was not treated with the same disdain (assuming anyone knows what this means). By the way. This was the lowest score for an OHH games in recent decades. Could it have been that Karl (I'm crashing the net) Schmidt wasn't around?

REBUTTLE.........(by Scot "T-Dogg" Baggott)
What does "distain" mean? Is that anythin like dis-temper?? My dogg gets a dis-temper shot, and heck, "s"he ain't been mad in months. Shore-nuff.

 

 

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Trophy Night a Hit
Big Turnout Lifted Spirits

(Parma)-AP---I really didn't think this could happen...but...Trophy Night with the OHH provided the motivation for the Over-the-Hill Hockey guys to wander into the Baron's Arena one by one for their somewhat spirited game this past friday night. And to no one's surprise, quite a game it was.

After the trade two weeks ago that sent veteran players Jack Zeman and "Rockin" Robin to the other squad (the Dark Side), other transactions were noticeable once again. Commisioner Karl Schmidt has a new best friend in the transaction wire...and he certainly knows how to keep it hot. "Croc Chop" Rady and Doug Baldi were swapped just before the game in an exchange of defensemen. Jason Zeman was dropped to the taxi squad, Keith Zbin was deactivated along with veteran Alan Kaiserman, with Charlie Jones again being promoted to the big team. When asked about the weekly changes to the OHH teams, Schmidt replied, "There's nothing like turnstile management to keep the guys motivated." That, and several Labatts no doubt. Two rookies were brought up for a look-see, and at press time, their identities were not immediately known. These changes took place so fast that the media and marketing departments couldn't update the rosters in the OHH program that was on sale during the game, leaving the 4 kids in attendance wondering..."just who are these guys?" That sentiment was echoed by veteran John Kraft, nursing a knee injury in the press box towards the end of the game. The true question was just what did goalie John Konfala think of the two rookies...as they played two of his defensemen? Konfala was not available for comment, though he did look confounded at times.

Joe Piastrelli's line, playing alongside Joe Block and Mike Steele, were their usual dominant selves. Mike Zagrabic showed a good giddy-up in his stride throughout the game, as well as "Wild" Bill Liberty. Even the OHH League Commissioner, Karl Schmidt netted two "pretty" goals for the evenings tally. The guys were all tuning up for the first of several tournaments this season as they arrive in Toledo for the famed Molson Ice Octoberfest in Sylvania's Tam-O-Shanter rinks...

With the tournament on the horizon, there was a team meeting afterwards as Trophy Night continued in a teary eyed Panini's as the guys recounted their tournament triumphs. Teary eyed? Steele put that to rest right away as he broke through the sentiments and wryly said, "Heck, we haven't won anything since 1999."

With that most of the guys hoisted their beverages...and...well...continued with their various conversations. Retiree Ric "The Rocket" Stefancin attended the ceremonies to lend his support to the new watering hole of the OHH.

Manager Bruce, as well as the entertaining Gina and Lynne, were on hand for the guys...and the place was a bit more hopping than in the recent past.

Many of the guys shunned the table following the trophy ceremony to hang at the drool tools...er...bar...to witness some of the entertaining festivities conducted by Lynne. It's truly amazing what she can do with a couple of lemons...er...lemon coasters sponsored by Mike's lemonade (not an OHH Scotty approved beverage at this time).

Jack Zeman was all about a mother-daughter event at the famed east end of ther bar, while Eric Coleman just continued to absorb the beer and stories. Gina and Lynne were seen exchanging quotes, along with Mary (a.k.a. Claudia), and the festivities were given a little taste of New Years as the ladies found a new function for swizzel sticks. The guys obliged the ladies...with no hands tied behind their backs!

The night was summed up by Gina's quote...which hung on the wall of this scribe's dorm room way back in the 20th century: "Cows may come, and cows may go...but the Bull goes on forever."

------Editors note. The week's shameless plug, brought to you by Lynne, the world's number 12 ranked bartender, from the popular Panini's in Parma at the corner of Pearl and Snow: "The girls here will take great care of you." Obviously, you
know where. See ya next week!

 

ZEMAN ON TRADING BLOCK!
- MORE GRIEVANCES FILED...
(Sept. 29)-AP-

One could swear it was a cross between high school chemistry class, and buddying up with Jimmy Hoffa and the Teamsters...On the night of a nearly full moon, the Over The Hill Hockey team took on a ghastly perspective as they went on to crush the ...well...other Over The Hill Hockey team tonight.

With the reference still fresh in players mind's concerning chemistry, the OHHPA again took on a grievance...and this one threatened to stop the season right away. Veteran right winger Scott "E-Dogg" Baggott filed the issue over inconsistent players and attendance woes on his particular team.
Baggott retained Bud E. Lite from the reknown law firm of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe here in Cleveland to argue this landmark case in front of Judge Reinhold Monday morning, October 1st, in Federal Court. The OHHPA also took on a grievance a week ago against Commisioner Karl Schmidt and goalie John Konfala over professionalism and behavior at an OHH function. The hearsay contends that the issue is an alleged non-tip over a soda. Schmidt and Konfala could not be reached for comment about the first grievance filed in OHH history, and Schmidt listened openly to the current grievance by Baggott, but no immediate solution was available at press time.

Kind of makes one wonder about whether the OHH is self-destructing, or will Schmidt's Supercomputer eventually win out over evil and inconsistencies...

On a lighter note, a hockey game broke out tonight at the Baron's Arena.
With parts of the scoreboard inoperational, it was obvious that the first half of the game was dominated by two specific players, Greg Coyle for the home-team, and Keith Zbin for the visitors. Both were sleeping "giants" until the other team scored. Then with no other discrepancies, either of them would control the puck into their attacking zone, and go one on one until they scored with retribution.

Goalie John Konfala put last week's trouble behind him, as a he played extremely well in the visitor's nets...Brett Dunham let his play do the talking as usual, however goalie Mike Haszto played with more holes than a chain-link fence, as the home team rallied for 12 goals during the 2nd half against a squad who was undermanned for the second week in a row..mighty left winger Mike Zgrabic was a NO SHOW at the OHH camp today, hence creatiing the late game situation leading to 12 goals. Word has it that he will be fined $10.00 for not calling off, and this is just the 1st offense.

In other developments, Scott "E-Dogg" Baggott went through with his grievance against Karl Schmidt and his Super-Computer over the interchangable players Baggot must play with weekly. Baggott, looking for stability in his line, echoed those sentiments at OHH Watering Hole, Panini's, tonight. Schmidt listened, debated at times, and generally accepted what Baggott had to say.

No immediate impact was determined concerning the issues tonight, although it was noted that at least one phone call was made between Commissioner Schmidt and a "leader" for the visitor OHH team. And while nothing appeared on the transaction wires nationally as of 4 am, it was widespread rumor that sturdy right winger, Jack Zeman, was on the trading block, and possibly Jim Venus as well. What led to those rumors is unclear at this time, though Birthday-Boy Baggott (42......OUCH!!) chided in with some transparent statements concerning an upcoming team fishing trip. It was known, nonetheless, that the OHH Govenors were in caucus early Saturday morning huddling about trying to solve the Baggott issue before going to federal court on Monday.

While no subpeonas had been served as yet, it was noted that Lynne and Gina were both in good form as they were designated to take care of the caucus meetings as they stretched into Saturday morning. Schmidt, ever the Commissioner, gave a coaching seminar about OHH tradional ettiquette while taking care of the team and the caucusi. Overheard was the famed Chris Marra bottle rules and "table rules"...among other things.

More developments as they occur...watch the transaction wire, as we have not heard the last of Baggott, or the OHHPA on this issue. Schmidt hopes to have everything settled by mid-week latest.

---

Gina summed it all about 1:30AM..."I gave you the pop for free, and you're only leaving me a quarter?" She abruptly kicked one of our brothers off the team...

It all started after 10pm...at the Baron's Arena in Parma, Ohio, dated 9/21/01.
The facts? The OHH was gathering for week three of the 2001-2002 season...and Commissioner Karl Schmidt had the heavy hitters, aka ringers, coming out. It was as though Slapshot 2 was being filmed. Joe "Oh My God It's" Block scheduled to appear; Greg "Snowplow" Coyle; Jeff "Bunny" Montgomery and his John Daly shot ringing posts; and Eric "5 hole" Coleman; yes, not only a literal blast from the past, but in their reincarnated present forms...talk about legends...we expected Ogie Oglethorpe to replace the sidelined Crocodile Chop Rady this week...alas, Ogie had a previous engagement at the Alice Cooper Shocktoberfest in Syracuse tonight...no doubt feasting on snakes, bats and the like...

Feasting on rubber were John "the ever talkative" Konfala and Bret "the Silencor" Dunham starting in nets as the group somewhat hustled through warmups...

The first 40 minutes resembled 20 eight year old strangers playing (or skating) in a sandbox...no one really skated as though they had years of experience (which they had)...no one really passed with the type of authority that would put them on a CSHL Squirt A team...and no one really shot as though they had a 180 steroid energy drink beforehand. At about the 40 minute mark is when collectively the guys lowered their heads and thought...DAMN, wish (Chris) Marra was here to spark us!!

Mike "Haz" Haszto, still nursing his Achilles, relieved Konfala and abruptly gave up two goals on three shots. Too busy thinking of Hooters...or the real shots that would eventually come later...who knows? Jack "The Real Z-man" Zeman and Coyle made him feel welcome right away...bursting through the colander defensive scheme of the visitors tonight. In all fairness to the visitors, it should be pointed out that Jim Venus, scheduled to appear, was called up to the Detroit Red Wings...not for hockey, but purely business, that put the strain on the visitors being down a person.

"Lil' Bash" Zgrabek, Bill "FAA" Liberty, and Rick Varga held the visitors in the contest...with nifty...well...whatever they did! Mike Steele"man"; Z-man; Joe Piastrelli; and Roger Hauser continually dominated for the home team. But it was the skating of Coyle...the playmaking of Coyle...and the shooting of Coyle...that led to the drinking afterwards of the OHH team...especially Haz. Better saves next week? We hope so!

A quick shout out to the new SA (Scotty Approved) OHH Sponsor...Panini's in Parma...Gina (who looks every day of 24); Lynne (with an e); and Mary (Claudia?); all have welcomed us the past 2 weeks as we strive to replace Hall Of Famer Lisa from the legendary Walt's (recently sold & shut). Panini's makes the third SA home of the OHH in it's long and tenured history.

Infinite fun and conversation was the order at Panini's (other than the shots and beer). Age? Tattoos? Piercings? All in good fun. The OHH, and Commissioner Schmidt, was forced to put Konfala on waivers after tonight, after Schmidt sold the team to Gina at Panini's for a Labatt and a used puck bag. Gina complained loudly to the faithful that with all we pay Konfala, he left a mere quarter for a pop he ordered...and wasn't charged for! The OHHPA is investigating and might file a grievance against Gina, and possibly Schmidt, by Tuesday.

More on Friday, 9/28/01...when the OHH takes to the ice against...well...the OHH! It's preseason hockey at it's best, as they prepare for the Molson Ice Tournament October 19-

 

 

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